Living in The Dash...

I got back into town late last night. I am tired. I am a feeling a little under the weather, too. But it's all good because I am resting before I go to Atlanta, later today. It's been while since I have been on the campus of Morehouse College. In fact, the last time I was there I wasn't in the best of health conditions...in 2005. But I live to tell.

I had limitied access to internet while I was back home. And truth be told, it was good. I didn't have to worry about email, homework, It just gutted me to see my family hurting like that. But it was definitely good to see the Singleton side. I stayed with my cousin Ashley and she is such a sweet heart. She is definitely special to be able to deal with me.

Say what you want to say about me but I took my dirty clothes, well not dirty - just not clean - clothes to KC to wash. What??? It's about being resourceful! I don't have neither washer or drying in NYC. Shooootttt, might as well, right? Anyway, that is the only task that I had while I was in KC. Plus, I can do stuff like that because I am a college student. Lol.

It was raining badly earlier in the day of Phillip's funeral. I was at home by myself and was just thinking and shed a few tears about this whole idea of life....why we are here, what we do while we are here, how we impact others, and etc. Then the time came to get ready for the funeral. We were told to wear red and black. The gag for me is that the funeral home - Duane E. Harvey - where his services were held is right by my former high school. I drove pass that place EVERYDAY but it took me three years to notice it.

After living in NYC and trying to stay a float with things in my own life I rarely have a chance to even ponder on how time truly flies by. From the moment my cousin, Ashley, and I got to the end of the wake around 6.45p (funeral started at 7p) it was tripping me out to see family members. Well, I knew I was going to see them but a lot of them I hadn't seen in years, or should I say some hadn't seen me in years. Don't laugh but my nickname is Icky. Yes, I wasn't happy about that as a kid. But it's my fathers nickname so the honor was bestowed up on me - Lil'Icky. So on my father's side I am Lil'Icky, and my mother side I am Waynie. I am convinced that some folks don't even know who Andre is...no, it's true. And that is okay, because it's all love, m-hmm.

I digress.

So yeah, seeing younger cousins getting older just blew me away. It was definitely closure to see folks before I get ready to take this journey around the world in January.

I didn't go immediately to the casket once I got to the wake. I just didn't want to. From the angle I was sitting I could see his brown nose peek out of the top of the casket. That was enough, and I could barely even take that.

The first person that I was looking for was my Grandma Singleton aka "Dawtha Lee" as Ashley and I affectionately call her. Her name is Dorothy and she is EVERYTHING!. This woman cracks me up. I really didn't know the Singleton's growing up. But I have made the step to changing that in my adulthood. So she and I have spoken more over the few years and especially recently - thank God before Phillip's death (he's my first cousin - 29 years old). So as I walked into the sea of red I scanned the room then I spotted her. She looked great - black silk skirt, black blouse, and red blazer - she was giving me Mother at the the church.

"Lil'Icky, I am so happy to see you BOY! You don't know how happy I am to have you here with us. Gimme a big ol kiss," she says with the biggest smile in the world.

And I feel at home hugging her. If anyone knows me then they that I love my grandmothers. So she and I sat and talked for a minute. We were trying to keep an eye out on the next generation of Singleton's - Amauri and Roger (one and two years old) as they seemed to glide around the church pews. The more I looked at her the more I could see where I get my smile. Like, I have been told that I look like her, but for me to see it myself made the world of a difference. And she asked about school and work and NYC. Then she went on to give me her blessings to do my Semester at Sea...but she called it "The On The School Boat Thang." Endearing, right? *sigh* Shortly thereafter I camouflauged with the Singleton's sitting in the first 4 rows, wearing red and black.

As the sermon started I ain't gon lie, I was like "Please, don't let this preacher give me too much. I am seriously not in the mood...spare me." But I had to ease down and allow myself to be receptive to whatever will be said...I never know what I can gain. And I am glad that I took this approach. Aside from the belting scriptures overzealously, which was to be expected, I got a powerful enligtening. He spoke about "The Dash" in between the year of birth and the year of death. You know like:

Johnny H. Fuzznuts
1965 - 2006
Lived, Loved, and Laughed

Ok, get it, got it, good! So to have your entire life summed up between two years. But more importantly, the dash represents everything in your lifetime. This isn't a bad thing - just a summation. And YOU determine what's in the dash. From ashes to dust...

The thing that just brought it to a screeching halt was when the sista sang "Walk Around Heaven."During this I sat beside my cousin Ashley and some young lady I had NO idea who she was but she was bawling. Baby, I felt the tears just stream down my face. I just rubbed the young lady's back and wrapped my arm around Ashley and rubber her right arm. That was heavy, I mean damn.



And they closed the casket. RIP Cuzzo

Shortly thereafter Ashley and I went to Couzins Catish - that's some good fish, yaw. And I saw an old friend, Ms. Krystal Mosby aka Tanka. She was hilarious. I forgot that when I left KC I had locs - chemo took them out. But she had no idea how exhausted I was. As they were frying the catfish I was watching Bill Cosby on Oprah. It was one particular line that I took in and that's when the LEGENDARY MOTHA OPRAH of the HOUSE OF HARPO says -

"Hurt people hurt people."

YOU BETTER BRING IT! It's so true. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. We really have to value life and each other. I mean it. And I couldn't help but think about a lot of the work that I have done and being on a board that works for the betterment of gay black and latino men - HIV/AIDS outreach. I can't help but think about the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Yes, epidemic because that's what it is. And the fact that it is hitting hard with the people of color. In many instances these are people that are hurt - be it from self loathing from identity, or who knows, but it is disturbing and painful to witness this. Thus, I urge people to be get the help you need. Condoms, clinics, STD test, THERAPY - these things aren't taboo. Break the cycle.

And before I conclude this...because my finger are getting tired, I just want to mention that I am happy to have seen my nephew. He turned a month old yesterday and is gorgeous! Great genes. Also, I saw my great-grandma. I love her DOWN. She's turning 90 in Dec. Good stuff.

Well, the latest on my Semester at Sea is that I need $7,600 to make this trip happen. $12,000 has been met. Hit me up at singa816@yahoo.com if you are interested in helping in someway. Again, this blog will capture the before, during, and after of this international voyage.

Ciao beatutiful folks,
A


I can't wait to sky dive *sigh*